You Can Be Successful Too!

Posted on June 10, 2009 - Filed Under Self Improvement

I was raised in a middle-income family where money was a source of constant worry and argument. My parents were very bad money managers and consequently spent much of their time under extreme financial tension. Like most people, they were never taught how to manage money, so when they had it they spent it until they were out of control and deeply in debt.

Since happiness is a direct result of the level of control you have in your life, you can imagine the level of stress in a household that was in perpetual financial turmoil.

Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that this is not by any means a condemnation of my parents, whom I love dearly. They loved me and worked very hard to provide for my sister, brothers and me. They were simply raised in a way that was typical of the post-Depression era. Money was never discussed except to lament how little they had.

Work was described to me as something everyone "hates," and there was never any discussion of the possibilities the world offered. The attitude was that you could not control your destiny beyond deciding if you wanted to drive a truck or wait on tables. My parents and their friends were far more bowling alley than board room.

Success seemed to be reserved for people on television, and they all seemed like the heartless banker from It's a Wonderful Life. Rich people were people who had sold their souls for money and would throw you out on the street to keep it.

This would probably be a more interesting story if I said that I was inspired by my parents' despair and resolved never to be in that situation. That's partially true. Because money was such an issue, I developed kind of a "hippie attitude" that money was not important and the desire for "material possessions" was bourgeoisie. In a nutshell, I was clueless about money as well.

Remember, this was the early and mid-1970s. I bought into the idea that I was not going to be rich, but I did not buy into being miserable at my job. My martial arts training provided me with a great outlet for my self-growth. I resolved to teach martial arts for a living. Still, I had no fantasies about being rich as a result of my teaching.

I just loved to teach and train and, as a martial artist, I was accorded a level of respect and inclusion that was very satisfying to an 18-year-old. Since I had been programmed to believe that financial success was out of my control, I chose instead to control at least how I spent my day. I figured that if I was not going to make any money, I might as well enjoy myself. I chose quality of life over financial possibility, which, as you know now, is short-term gain for long-term pain.

Since classes were at night, I was able to sleep as late as I wanted each day and then train all day before wandering in to the karate school at about 5 p.m. to teach. It was like being a surf bum in a gi (karate uniform). I was indeed a karate jock and it was fun, for a while.

It was not until I opened my schoolalmost a decade laterthat I started to envision that I could be successful. I started to teach private lessons to a doctor, Richard Phares, whom I mentioned earlier. Dr. Phares had been a millionaire for over 15 years when I started to train him three times a week. He was an eccentric fellow and loved to sit and talk with me about his views on the world, which included the process of wealth building. No one had ever discussed these subjects with me before. At the time, I was riding my ten-speed bike to the school because I could not afford a car. He was driving his big car, and it was the first Mercedes I had ever been in. That was when my thinking started to change and my vision of the future began to expand.

Dr. Phares exposed me to a lifestyle of wealth and opulence that I had never dreamed of. At the time, I was getting a lot of local press because of my success with the U.S. kickboxing team in Europe, and I had a TV show, so I was pretty high profile. I was the local karate star. Though I had no money, I was an accomplished athlete who was visible on television every week. I guess that made up for my lack of net worth. Dr. Phares seemed to enjoy introducing me to his associates as his personal instructor, the "world champion black belt."

We met with his wealthy friends and went to his million-dollar house for barbecues with his family. They seemed like normal people to me, not heartless money hoarding villains. The difference was that they openly discussed business and business strategies. They donated to charities and volunteered in the community.

This exposure began to reprogram my thinking in regards to money and what my potential really was. Until that point, I never thought of such a life because I had never seen it or experienced it. It is hard to create a taste for something you have never seen or felt.

It was also about this time a friend of mine came into my office and said, "You want this? It's boring." He threw me a six-cassette audio seminar by Roger Dawson called, "Power Negotiating." That was the first of what must be by now thousands of audio and video programs I've learned from. Being taught methods of business and how to succeed through these audio programs while at the same time expanding my perspective through Dr. Phares world accelerated my reprogramming and created a strong desire to grow as a person, a teacher and a businessman.

I tell you this because it was so powerful for me that I can only hope it is as powerful for you. In order to change your outer world, you must change your inner world. I had to change my programming and references in order to begin the process of changing my reality.

By immersing myself in study and seeking out people who have been there already, I began to destroy my self-doubt. I learned how to speak, to sell, to have a conversation, to negotiate and to succeed.

I began to realize that I was 100-percent responsible for reaching the level of success I desired. I realized that even though Dr. Phares could show me how the rich live, and Brian Tracy could teach me how to get there, only I could make it happen. If it's to be it's up to me became my mantra.

I started to develop a "prosperity consciousness." This is a mindset, or heightened awareness, of the great possibilities the world presents. You become much more conscious of the potential for great prosperity. In this realm, the world becomes a huge menu of opportunities. These opportunities have always been there, but I couldn't see them before. My programming while growing up lead me to, "poverty consciousnessthe mindset that you will always struggle for money and privilege. We can't afford that" was the mantra of my parents.

I started to realize it would be a long, tough road and that no one was going to do it for me. As daunting a task as that was, I also began to realize that, for the first time, I was talking to myself as though it could actually happen. To think that I could actually burst out of the chains of mediocrity and become a success was so radical a thought that it shot right through me.

Once I allowed myself to conceptualize that I could be a success, and then followed that with the conscious decision to go for it, it was like a switch had been turned on, and my life changed. My outer world immediately began to evolve into a world of opportunities that I had not seen before. It was as though I had been seeing the world in black-and-white, and suddenly the color switch was turned on. This is the power of making the decision to be a success and then taking full responsibility for achieving it.

By: John Graden

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John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you're not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. It's the feeling you've been faking it and are about to be found out. Learn more about the book at: www.theimpostorsyndrome.com A martial arts master teacher, he is the author of five books including The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success, Mr. Graden has been profiled by hundreds of international publications including over 20 magazine cover stories and a comprehensive profile in the Wall Street Journal. www.JohnGraden.com